01
Drop the public addy.
Paste a Solana address. No connect button, no signatures, no weird requests in your DMs.
THE DATA KITCHEN IS OPEN / PUBLIC SOLANA ADDRESSES ONLY
✳ SOLANA WALLET CULTURE, WITH RECEIPTS
Your wallet has
some explaining
to do.
Drop a public address. Find out if you’re a market genius or just exceptionally good at buying the top.
Public address only. Never connect.No seed phrases. Ever.
NO WALLET CONNECT PUBLIC DATA ONLY GROUP CHAT READY
100%FOR THEBIT
ROASTMYBAGSEXAMPLE / 001
The group chat
sent us.
sent us.
PORTFOLIO VIBECHAOTIC
“It’s called a long-term hold because you forgot the password.”
REAL WALLET DATA NOT CONNECTED
NO WALLET CONNECTED.NO FEELINGS SPARED.↓ SCROLL FOR THE DAMAGE
BUY HIGH✳COPE HARD✳CHECK THE CHART✳BLAME THE MARKET✳REPEAT TOMORROW✳BUY HIGH✳COPE HARD✳CHECK THE CHART✳BLAME THE MARKET✳REPEAT TOMORROW✳
01 / THE METHOD
Four steps to
emotional damage.
Simple enough for a degen.
Specific enough to have receipts.
02
We check the books.
Once live, public holdings and observable activity give the jokes something real to work with.
03
The receipts get read.
Any wallet-specific punchline needs evidence behind it. If we can’t verify it, we won’t say it.
04
Send it to the chat.
Get lovingly cooked, then share the roast. Your friends have been waiting for this.
FACTSBEFOREFLAMES
03 / THE NON-NEGOTIABLE
Funny is good.
Funny with receipts
is better.
Roasts come from parsed swaps, current holdings, and the cost basis we can actually reconstruct. If transaction history or prices are missing, we mark the gap instead of laundering a guess into a “fact.”
Here’s how we do it01 / BUILT DIFFERENT
Receipts or it didn't happen.
Every read is tied to public on-chain evidence. No imagination-based accounting.
02 / BUILT DIFFERENT
Look. Don't touch.
A public address is all we need. No wallet connection, signing, or secret handshakes.
03 / BUILT DIFFERENT
A roast, not a risk rating.
For the group chat, not your financial plan. Your portfolio deserves a laugh.
04 / BEFORE YOU ASK
Fair questions.
Roastable answers.
We’re cheeky about bags, serious about keeping things straight.
Nope. Paste a public Solana address and the server reads public Mainnet data. We never ask you to connect, sign, or share a seed phrase.
✳
THE DATA KITCHEN PARSED SWAPS. FIFO COST BASIS. RECEIPTS.
Brave enough
to check your bags?
Bring your public Solana address. Leave your dignity at the door.
Get in the hot seat No connection. No signing. Definitely no financial advice.